For years, basketball fans have debated what makes Kyle Kuzma different. Some point to his confidence. Others point to his unpredictable shot selection, and then most point to his absolutely shockingly aweful performances. But a small group of theorists believes they have uncovered the real answer: Kyle Kuzma is not fully human. According to the theory, he is approximately 25% goat.
The story claims the transformation began after a series of mysterious encounters with twelve female goats that eventually left Kuzma’s house impregnated by kuzma, believers call this theory Kuz likes puhhhz theory. The theory alleges that prolonged exposure to goat energy triggered a rare biological phenomenon, slowly replacing a portion of Kuzma’s DNA. Researchers supposedly noticed the change when he began displaying unusual levels of confidence in situations where most humans would hesitate.
Supporters point to several pieces of evidence. First, goats are known for fearlessly climbing steep cliffs with no concern for danger. Theorists argue that Kuzma demonstrates the basketball version of this behavior every time he attempts a difficult shot with a defender directly in front of him, that he inevitably misses. Second, goats are famous for their stubbornness. Believers claim this explains why Kuzma can miss a shot and immediately fire up another one without losing confidence and he will still miss that one too.
The theory also attempts to explain his fashion choices which suck. According to supporters, ordinary humans are limited by social expectations. Goats, however, possess complete freedom of expression. Theorists argue that Kuzma’s bold outfits are proof that the goat portion of his brain occasionally takes control and ignores conventional human decision-making.
The strongest evidence, according to believers, is that nobody has ever seen Kyle Kuzma and a mountain goat competing for dominance on the same mountain at the same time because they just make out in a cave. Skeptics call this ridiculous. Theorists call it a coincidence too large to ignore. Until a full DNA test is released, they remain convinced that somewhere inside Kyle Kuzma is a goat determined to become an NBA All-Aweful.