It’s time to bring back this trend.
I have a playlist called ‘LONG PLAYLIST’. If you’re somehow wondering why, it’s because it’s 143 hours long. The playlist has basically every song I’ve ever listened to, meaning that 50% of the songs I haven’t heard in multiple years. This makes it perfect for making a trade, as it’s completely random on what song I’ll get.
I clicked shuffle and got the song for this challenge - Hurricane by Kanye West (Featuring Weeknd and Lil Baby)
This was kinda anticlimactic as I had just listened to the entirely of Donda just a week before making this, but what the playlist says is what I shall do. If your wondering what the other songs that were in the queue were, they were Grand Theft Autumn (Fall Out Boy), Give Me Novocaine (Green Day) and The Art Of Peer Pressure (Kendrick Lamar)
Let’s see how this trade turns out.
Part 1 - Teams
To decide the teams, I used the length of the song. Hurricane is 4 minutes and 1 second long, so I used the number 1 and number 4 teams in the league. This ended up being the Oklahoma City Thunder and the Boston Celtics.
Getting the teams was pretty simple, but it only gets more complicated from here
Part 2 - Players
To get the players, I had to stretch it. Donda was released on the 29th of August 2021 or 29/8/2021. This gave me 2,9,8,2 and 1. These numbers would correspond to players sorting by contract. I know for a fact that didn’t make any sense, but stick with me here.
To decide how many players each team will be trading, I used the birth place for all 3 artists featured on the track. Kanye is from Atlanta, Weeknd is from Toronto and Lil Baby is also from Atlanta. This meant that the east has 3, and the west will have the remaining 2.
In other words, the Thunder willlgive up 2 players while the Celtics will give up 3.
In order to decide what players go where, I used the placement of all time streams by Kanye West. It’s 35th all time, so 3+5 equals 8. The 8th song on Donda is Ok Ok, which is the start of OKC, so 2 and 8 will be the Thunder - that was a stretch but oh well.
This means that after all that confusion, the players involved are Jayson Tatum, Jaylen Brown and Baylor Scheierman, while the Thunder will be giving up Isiah Hartenstien and Kenrich Williams 😭.
Part 3 - Picks
The final part of this is picks. To decide picks, I used the number of streams Hurricane has on Spotify. This number is 474,248,690 as of yesterday. The even numbers would be first round picks, while the odd would be second round picks.
The first round picks will be 2,4,4,4,6 and 8 while the second round picks will be 7 and 9.
To decide what years the firsts will be, I’m going how many years away from right now. This means the first round picks will be 2028, 2028, 2030, 2030, 2030, 2032. I can’t go 8 years in the future, so I will do fractional math and turn 8 into 2 (since it passes 6 if that makes any sense.
For second round picks, the formula will be the same. The years will be 2027 and 2029.
To decide who will be giving up the picks, I used the AOTY rating for the side. A even number at the start would represent the west, and a odd number would represent the east. Whatever the first number is is how many of the picks they will be giving up.
The AOTY score ended up being 88, meaning that the Thunder will be giving up all 8 picks. I had to make some slight changes so that the Thunder can give up the picks, meaning that the years are now the following;
Firsts - 2027, 2028, 2029, 2029, 2030, 2032
Seconds - 2027, 2029
Results
Oklahoma City Thunder Receive
Jayson Tatum
Jaylen Brown
Baylor Schierman
Boston Celtics Receive
Isiah Hartenstein
Kenrich Williams
2027 FRP
2028 FRP
2029 FRP
2030 FRP
2032 FRP
2027 SRP
2029 SRP
Trade Grades
Thunder - A-
Celtics - F
Final Thoughts
Thank the Lord that Spotify isn’t a GM
Give me your thoughts on this horrible trade! Happy April Fools for everyone in the states since this is an absolute joke of a trade.
Enjoy!