Sources say the Rockets' front office convinced the Knicks’ FO that Dillon Brooks is actually just a misunderstood Kobe disciple and that Landale is secretly the “Aussie Jokic”. Meanwhile, the Lakers who, let's be frank, haven't seen the lake since the Eisenhower administration, believe VanVleet’s locker room presence and 6'0" frame will complement LeBron’s championship DNA in what they’re calling the greatest chemistry experiment since Breaking Bad. The Lakers FO also cited “valuable depth” from a crew of minimum contracts including a guy who allegedly peaked during a Summer League in China. Sources inside Houston reveal Dončić was swayed by a lifetime supply of Whataburger, a custom gaming chair built into his locker, and a discreet bensedin prescription plan. He’s reportedly excited to “play somewhere where no one expects defense from me or a stable waistline.”

Twitter/X exploded when it became clear the Knicks were getting Dillon Brooks and Jock Landale. One anonymous fan tweeted:

“I just cancelled my League Pass, and told my kids Santa isn’t real.” "LoL" articulated Elon Musk.

Lakers FO tweeted “We’re building a squad that brings grit, grind, and veteran savvy. VanVleet and LeBron are like Stockton and Malone, but shorter, older, and less problematic.”

No word yet on how the Lakers plan to defend anyone under 27 or taller than 6'2".