Tyrese Maxey, you’re my rock. You are the best Philly athlete. You are a leader. You make me smile. I appreciate the relationship you have with me.

VJ Edgecombe, I am so excited to see you in the playoffs. Rise to the occasion.

Paul George, RETURN OF THE MAC.

Kelly Oubre, continue to hit threes and mog. You are such a cool dude.

Andre Drummond, I speak on behalf of the entire 76ers organization when I say, please take as much money as you want.

Now to roast the Magic…

Paolo Banchero, after the game you had tonight, you don’t even deserve to sweat. Doing straight cardio out there. Strongest player on the court settling for corner threes and contested middys. WATCH SOME FILM. YOU SUCK. HOT ASS.

Franz Wagner, I honestly don’t understand why you don’t have a jumpshot. Like I seriously don’t get. WORSE DENI AVDIJA.

Jalen Suggs, the only recognizable accomplishment from your basketball career is Hailey Van Lith. OVERRATED DEFENDER. BALD.

And yk what, Brook Lopez ain’t safe either. GET A HAIRCUT, YOU’RE A GROWN MAN.

ON TO BOSTON