The first game was looming nearer and the Asparagus still didn’t have a coach. The had been talking to so many coaches but none would except. They even tried OnFire’s close friend in hs Micheal Stauffer but even he didn’t accept!
At this point they were defeated, that was until the Assistant GM brought up Jacob Underwood, a rookie coach but a great rookie coach. They called him up, gave him the four year and sure enough, he accepted.
Now going into this October game against the Wolves they finally had a coach! But the first game against the wolves was a disaster. Losing by 30 points and the only scoring option they had that game was Fred Vanvleet, 24 points 6 assists and 5 turnovers. Not great.
The next few games were garbage. Got close on the Jazz but Brice Sensebaugh hit a buzzer beater to seal the deal and drop a career high 38. It was tragedy, until a call came in.
It was Mike Dunleavy of the Warriors.
MD: Hey OnFire!
OF: Yo.
MD: I see you need a center and you have a guy on the bench, Brandon Boston’s the name, getting 0 pt. Maybe you could bring home to me for Post and a pick swap?
OF: I like the deal but how old is Post?
MD: 25 to BBJ’s 22.
OF: Oof, that’s old
MD: If you don’t like it that’s fine but honestly, I think it’s a win win.
OF: Sure let’s do it. Quinten Post is officially an Aspargus.
MD: Nice.
OnFire was happy to see how well Post was bonding, but even more happy to see them win their first game. Against the Boston Celtics. OnFire thought this would be a great stretch but no, another losing streak. Until it came time for the big game. Tampa Bay vs Albuquerque. Weaver vs OnFire.
OnFire had to prove Weaver wrong. And it was looking like he was going to, OG Anunoby single handedly took them to a 17 point lead until they blew it. Down 1, Jimmy Butler at the line for the Sharks. 3.4 seconds left. Butler misses the freethrow. Jonathan Isaac, almost fouled out, pulls down the board and uses the last timeout. 2.3 seconds left, Isaac inbounds the ball to OG Anunoby. He takes the three over Paul George. It rolls, it rolls, it rolls, until... it rolls out. The Tampa crowd erupts in cheers as OnFire’s heart sinks. He looks at Weaver smirking.
Troy approaches him after the game.
TW: How does it feel?
OF: What?
TW: To lose.
OF: Shut up Troy, just give me some years and the league is cooked.
TW: Oh sure, you and what team? Keon Ellis throwing lobs to Tristan Vukcevic? Really?
OF: Oh like you have a future.
TW: That doesn’t matter, we have now.
OnFire walks away from Troy Weaver and the conversation ends. When he gets back to the office he puts Vukcevic on the trade block. He does get a bite on the two-way player. A 1st rounder and a 2nd. OnFire gladly takes this and then signs G-leaguer Adin Durmanenko and Justin Holiday to fill missing roster spots.
The Asparagus get to the deadline with only 9 wins. Yikes. OnFire decides to not do anything and let the season unfold. Trades at the deadline include Josh Green and Taj Gibson for Rui Hachimura. Bruce brown and a pick swap for Tobias Harris. Mitchell Robinson for Rob Williams. Ryan Dunn and Tyus Jones for Ochai Albanian and Orlando Robinson. Other pointless dumb deals. But one catches Onfires eye. It’s his arch-nemesis Troy Weaver.
Sharks Recieve: Malcolm Brogdon and Marcus Smart
Wizards Recieve: Paul George and 2027 First Round Pick
OnFire can’t believe how dumb it is. Is Troy that dumb? There had to be a reason but what is that? OnFire contemplates calling Troy Weaver and mocking him but decides against it. He will just have to wait to see how the rest of the season plays out.
I need two volunteers to be podcasters for future episodes btw